Category: spirituality

Untangling the Mess

by Deb Worley

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
     don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
 Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
     [God] is the one who will keep you on track.”
                                             (Proverbs 3:5-6, The Message)

While she was away, Sarah learned to crochet…and has become a bit of a blanket-making machine! “Everyone’s getting a blanket for Christmas this year!” So as not to be left out of the fun, I asked her if she would teach me. What you see in the picture above was my first attempt! Not bad, right? She’s a good teacher.

But what you don’t see is the fact that it was becoming narrower and narrower–I couldn’t seem to figure out how to keep the edges straight. What a mess! If I kept going, it was clearly going to end up in the shape of a triangle, rather than the more “traditional” rectangular shape of most blankets! So I pulled it all out so that I might start again. Yes, really….

I quickly got the first part of the yarn rolled up without too much trouble…but then the process came to a screeching halt. Talk about a mess! I had a neat-looking ball of yarn on one side and a big, tangled mess on the other….

Knots, knots, and more knots. If I pulled too hard, the knots only got harder to untangle. If I tried to go too fast, the mess only got worse…. I had to go slowly, be patient, and take my time…not to mention lots of deep breaths! Slowly but surely, the knots got undone and the mess grew smaller….

And finally, after several hours and many deep breaths (and only a few curses muttered under my breath!), voila! Done! Untangled! No more mess! Ahhh… Ready to start over with a new project.

Perhaps with help?…Did you notice the little foot, and whiskers, at the very top??… Meet Winston, one of our cats. Always ready to “help”!    

It struck me, in the midst of that process, that there were some similarities between it and what we’re all living through in this season. A year ago at this time, things were moving along, not perfectly for sure but in a way that seemed at least recognizable, sort of like me crocheting my blanket. And then, somewhere between January and March, things began to unravel. We weren’t doing the unraveling on purpose, certainly, but it happened just the same. And we were all left with a big, tangled mess.

A big, tangled mess that we are still in the middle of and that we all want desperately to untangle, so that we can start moving forward again, with a “new project,” if you will. Or even just get back to what we were doing before. And like with my mess of yarn, sometimes it seems that the more we pull, the more knotted it all becomes. And the faster we try to go, the worse it seems to get….

Perhaps some of the same strategies I used in untangling my mess of yarn can be helpful as we try to–or at least want to–untangle the mess we continue to find ourselves in. This is nothing new, of course, but I for one benefit from an occasional reminder! Perhaps, in this ninth month of COVID restrictions, we can benefit from some renewed patience…some regular deep breaths…and maybe even a few curses muttered under the breath (or shouted out loud?!)….

And additionally, as people of faith, perhaps we can also benefit from remembering, as the wise author of Proverbs reminds us, to trust God from the bottom of our hearts, knowing that we don’t have to–in fact, we can’t–figure out everything on our own. Perhaps, as people of faith, we can remember to listen for God’s voice, trusting that God is the one who will keep us on track. Easier said than done, for sure. But worth a continued effort.

Being patient will help, yes. Breathing deeply will help, absolutely. And in my experience, there’s a definite place for the occasional, appropriately expressed outburst(!). But I would suggest that the most critical piece in getting to the other side of this big, tangled mess in which we continue to find ourselves–and it’s perhaps also the most difficult piece for us high-achieving, do-it-yourself-ers–is trusting God.

Be patient–and trust God.
Breathe deeply–and trust God.
Shake your fist, shout at the heavens, curse a blue streak–and keep trusting God. 

And we will get to the other side of this big, tangled mess, with God at our side, ready for whatever new project awaits us….

Thanks be to God!
Deb

Right Now I Don’t Know How to Pray

by Deb Worley

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27, NRSV)

There have been times in my life when I have not known how to pray. I don’t mean that I have not known “the formula” for prayer (for example, Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) or the posture for prayer (for example, hands clasped, head bowed). I mean that I have not known how to pray–when attempts at Adoration turn into expression of anger and Thanksgiving feels hollow, when words cannot even be formulated and when a bowed head results only in tears….

Perhaps others of you have lived through these experiences as well. I suspect so… Perhaps others of you are even living through moments like these now, in these times in which we all find ourselves. There’s so much in our lives and in our world that continues to be uncertain, so much that can feel unsettling in our bodies, minds, and souls, so much that can lead us, perhaps, to feeling like we don’t know how to pray….

In those moments, in these moments, we can be grateful for the Holy Spirit. Or–well–maybe, if we are truly honest, not in those moments–those moments when we are overwhelmed with fist-shaking anger, free-flowing tears, mind-numbing confusion, heartbreaking despair, those moments when hope seems distant, when healing seems a desperate wish, when wholeness seems out of reach–maybe not in those moments…but perhaps outside of them, in the moments when the magnitude of those emotions has subsided, we can be grateful for the Holy Spirit. Perhaps because of those moments, we can give thanks for the Holy and ever-present Spirit of the Living God, who helps us and holds us and sustains us and stands in for us, interceding on our behalf with sighs too deep for words….

Thank you, Spirit of the Living God…because right now I don’t know how to pray…

Peace be with us all.

Deb

Burn the Gloom

by Victoria S. Ubben

“…he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by others; a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity; as one from whom others hide their faces…Surely he has borne our infirmities and carried our diseases…But he was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for iniquities; upon him was the punishment that made us whole, and by his bruises we are healed.”

This (above) is part of Isaiah 53 (in the Old Testament of the Bible). I grew up in congregations of the United Church of Christ and most years on Good Friday I heard this piece of Hebrew scripture read and then I imagined that these words from the prophet Isaiah were to be applied to Jesus Christ. I have come to learn that many traditions look for a scapegoat or a savior to make right our wrongs of the past. Some traditions are meaningful and lasting and some traditions that emerge are short-lived or just for fun. Here is a tale about a Santa Fe tradition that is meaningful AND fun.

For 96 years in a row the people of Santa Fe, New Mexico, have observed a unique custom known now as the “Burning of Zozobra.” This has become a collective way for the citizens here to rid our hearts, our homes, and our city of all things negative and unwanted. September of 2020 is a good time to burn the negativity and gloominess of the past 6 months or so.

The story is: back in 1924 a local Santa Fe artist named Will Shuster built an ugly, flammable effigy – something like a scarecrow we saw on the midwestern farms of yesteryear. This effigy originally was 6 feet tall (about the size of a man), but over the decades, this effigy has grown to be over 50 feet tall and has become one of the world’s tallest marionettes. Yes, Zozobra has morphed into a marionette — citizens below this huge effigy move his arms as he groans and moans as he goes down in flames.

Why is this flammable monster called “Zozobra” amongst the locals in Santa Fe? Some say that the name comes from a Spanish expression meaning “the gloomy one,” while some say that it is loosely related to the Spanish word for “anxiety.” Be it gloom or anxiety (or both), this effigy takes all the gloom and anxiety (and disappointment and sorrow and pain) into himself (literally) and then the effigy and all that is inside it is burnt.

In years past, locals stuffed the head and body of this effigy with things flammable like old parking tickets, divorce papers, paid off mortgage debt, notices of late fees, and bad report cards (“glooms”). This year, due to the pandemic, Santa Feans who wanted to send their troubles and sorrows up in smoke were asked to email them into the project headquarters where they were printed out and stuffed inside. 

September 4, 2020, was the date of the previously-scheduled burning of Zozobra at a park near my home, strategically located right next to the fire station. If our city is planning a huge bonfire, locating it next to the fire station is a great idea (and remember, Santa Fe in September is known for its high winds and a very dry climate: a certain recipe for fire disaster). Due to the social-distancing mandate imposed by the Covid-19 pandemic, we stayed home and had great front-row seats in our backyard. We sat out back and watched Zozobra burn and then we wrote down and then tossed our own troubles and regrets into the small, controlled fire that I had prepared on our brick patio.

Ponder: How can this distinctive Santa Fe tradition of burning Zozobra inspire you as you navigate the journey ahead?

Specifically, are you tired of the pandemic? Is online education for your children difficult? Zoom meetings tedious? Tired of the racism, injustice, and political unrest in our country? Missing your friends and your church community?  Just sick of it all?

Or… reflect on what you have done to cause gloom or anxiety for others. What do you want to leave behind? What can you burn (literally or figuratively) so that you can begin anew? Write down your anxieties and your “gloom.” Burn them up.

While the Zozobra effigy of Santa Fe is certainly not a willing scapegoat, he is a symbolic representation of the burning of all that is evil and anxiety-producing in our culture. In the many diverse branches of the Christian “family tree,” Jesus is sometimes understood as the one who somehow sets us free from our burdens and worries. So, whatever your tradition might be, perhaps some fire (e.g., a candle) and a prayer might be healing and helpful during this Covid-19 time.

To get you started, here is a paraphrased version of part of an Ash Wednesday prayer that is often used in congregations of the United Church of Christ:

We confess to you, O God, all our past unfaithfulness. The pride, hypocrisy, and impatience in our lives. We confess to you, O God, our self-indulgent appetites and ways and our exploitation of other people. We confess our anger at our own frustration and our envy of those more fortunate than ourselves. We confess our love of worldly goods and comforts and our dishonesty in our daily life and work. Restore us, O God, for your mercy is great. Amen.

(This prayer is paraphrased from Book of Worship © 1986 Office of Church Life and Leadership, United Church of Christ, pp. 182-183.)

images credit: Robert Bisser

Breaking Away

by Victoria S Ubben

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”  Is there a season for a pandemic?  Is there a time for Covid-19?  Is there a time when this social-distancing and mask-wearing will end?

As I spend time during this Covid-19 pandemic reflecting on more than 32 years of ordained ministry with the United Church of Christ, there is always some sorrow as one ministry concludes, and another begins. 

image credit: Doug Ross, multimedia journalist

I resigned from a pastoral team at a church that I had been serving for seven-and-a-half years in 2013 because (1) that “season” had ended and (2) God was calling me and some other ministers to try a new sort of ministry in our city.  The purpose of this new calling was to launch a parachurch ministry to reach and serve the rapidly growing number of people who were choosing not to engage in traditional churches. Our downtown-based ministry was called “BreakAway” because it did not sound like a name of a church.  We rented space upstairs, above a popular restaurant, right across the street from our county courthouse, in a place that did not look like a church. “BreakAway Ministry” began gradually in 2013, was full-time by 2015, and then (as quickly as we had begun) we were called on to something new.  By 2016 this season for this unique downtown ministry had come to an end; God’s still-speaking voice had called me onward to a new form of ministry in rural Indiana.

Moving out of our rental space, shutting down a Facebook page, obtaining a new email address, dis-assembling our webpage, printing hard copies of a three-year inspirational blog, thanking our donors, and saying “good-bye” to those who had shared a BreakAway journey with us… carried significant sorrow.  What was once effective and worthwhile, no longer could be “packaged” in the same way.  BreakAway lived for three years and sustained countless people on a spiritual journey who may never find their way back to the organized church again.  Our memories of a three-year ministry (2013 to 2016) are always tinged with joy and gladness as we reflect on them now.

image credit: Doug Ross, multimedia journalist

The Covid-19 pandemic has changed us.  Some of what once was, shall never return.  Parts of what used to work in our lives and in ministry may not work now…or in the future.  Could it be that God reminds us through this pandemic that pieces of what was meaningful, effective, and useful in the not-so-distant past…are already gone?  With God’s grace, we shall move through this pandemic and onto new ways of doing things.  This season of a pandemic teaches us that sometimes we must break away from the way things used to be… and make some bold, new discoveries in this moment in time.  In just 6 months of this pandemic, many of our churches (and various ministries) already have changed and adapted.  Will we ever be the same again?  Probably not.

Look to Jesus as our example; his ministry adapted to the situation in which he found himself.  He certainly broke away from the religious establishment of his day and he met people where they were, and in the ways that he could.  Jesus met with lepers, tax collectors, and prostitutes (to name a few).  He met them on a mountain, by the river, on a lake, and in an upper room.

image credit: Doug Ross, multimedia journalist

There is a season.  There is a time.  There are people waiting…here and now…to hear God’s word of grace and peace.

Prayer for this season:  Oh God, you are the One who enables us to break away from whatever holds us back.  Enable us to adapt in the ways that we must during this pandemic so that what we do glorifies you and uplifts other people along the way.  Amen.

I Guess It’s Up to the Angels Now

by Lynne Hinton

I guess it’s up to the angels now, their gossamer wings, glimmering and strong, wide and soft enough to cradle souls ready to go. Family members, hospice chaplains no longer permitted to hold their hands, whisper in their ears, “you did well, you can go. I forgive you. I will always love you.” Just heavenly messengers carrying the load once shared.

I guess it’s up to the angels now to teach the dying how to breathe from this world to the next, how to let go of what binds them to this earth, how not to be afraid, give them the strength they need to wrestle free from these bodies loaned to us, surround them with the peace we all should be allowed when we leave.

I guess it’s up to the angels now to touch fevered brows, wipe away tears, moisten tiny sponges and hold them to parched lips, to read sacred words, pray the prayers, sing the songs.

I guess it’s up to the angels now and so it shall be. And maybe it was always up to them. Maybe they were always there; we just didn’t see them or count on them or pray to them like we do now. Maybe they are doing what they have always done, whispering, cradling, touching, singing. Maybe nothing has changed in their world at all even as everything has changed in ours. And maybe, though we stand empty-handed behind doors and windows and phone screens, we somehow open ourselves to what we have not completely opened ourselves to before, to faith and hope, to let go of what we are now unable to do, to believe and surrender.

Perhaps it isn’t the dying who need so much after all. Maybe they’re just fine in their last hours, already looking ahead, already shed themselves of earthly attachments, exits already begun.

Maybe it’s those of us left behind in the greatest need, those of us without the proper goodbye for which we all so desperately cling. Maybe we’re the ones who most require the help, must look to something or someone beyond ourselves.

Maybe we are ultimately the ones requiring grace, the ones in need of divine assistance, the ones who struggle most as we find ourselves having to leave it all up to the angels now.

Rev. Lynne Hinton is the author of 21 books. She lives in Albuquerque and is a member of First Congregational UCC and works as a hospice chaplain and as a writing/journaling instructor for Bernalillo County Behavioral Health Department. She is married to Bob Branard.

First Church Mockingbird

guest post by James Pennington

During this season of COVID-19, I am much more aware of the sounds of the city in my neighborhood and in the courtyard of First Church, the location where I spend 5 – 8 hours of my day. 

At home, I have a mockingbird that has made the large tree in my front yard his singing perch. Whenever I leave my home in the morning, the mockingbird is there with its beautiful and exotic singing. On our Church campus, as I sit in the courtyard, a mocking bird arrives each morning between 8:00 and 8:30 am and perches on the highest exhaust vent on the northernmost roof of the sanctuary. (I have wondered if it is the same bird who follows me?) The mockingbird in the courtyard sings its heart out until about noon, periodically flying straight up about 2 feet, showing his brilliant feathers, and then dropping down to continue to sing on its metal perch.

Mockingbirds often mimic the sounds of birds (and frogs) around them, including shrikes, blackbirds, orioles, killdeer, jays, hawks, and many others. They go on learning new sounds throughout their lives. The song is a long series of phrases, with each phrase repeated 2-6 times before shifting to a new sound; the songs can go on for 20 seconds or more. Many of the phrases are whistled, but mockingbirds also make sharp rasps, scolds, and trills. Unmated males are the most insistent singers, carrying on all day and late into the night.

I don’t know if the First Church mockingbird is an unmated male or female, but what I do know is that its song is ever-changing and simply beautiful beyond description. It seems to me, this mockingbird never makes the same sound twice. Its song and antics fill my ears and eyes and heart with joy.  The mockingbird who has been visiting our campus every morning for a week and a half may have been present for months. But because I have been slowing down, being “fully” present outside, and hearing more of nature because humanity is increasingly more silent, I have noticed the mockingbird.  And I have also noted that the sound of the mockingbird is not the only bird or human sound on our campus, but it is one of the loudest and most soul-nourishing. 

As I listen to the bird mocking, I am reminded of Jesus’ words to his worried, anxious, perplexed followers:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Parent feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

Or from the Message paraphrase which I actually really like: “Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.”

I love the way these two different expressions of the same saying of Jesus play off each other.

I am asking myself, what is this mockingbird teaching me/us? Look more deeply at this bird, James.

  • Is it time to change my “song”?
  • Do I keep singing the same old tired song over and over and over? Am I stuck?
  • Am I being encouraged to be less tethered to my “job description” of who and what I am supposed to be and be more in the moment, singing and flapping to a new song?
  • As my retirement account shrinks, am I being reminded that what I have stored away in my barn and banks is impermanent and less important than the value of the people around me?
  • Am I being reminded to breathe deeply and let the Spirit of God lift me up into the air so I can have a different perspective on what is really important in this life? A bird’s eye view (pun intended!)?

The mockingbird has many positive symbolic meanings, including joyfulness, cleverness, playfulness, security, and communication. In the book “To Kill a Mockingbird,” the mockingbird symbolizes innocence.
Mockingbirds are known for being very intelligent and protective of their families. There are many myths about mockingbirds. Certain tribes of Native Americans once believed the mockingbird taught people how to speak, while others see mockingbirds as guardians of the dead. Cherokees used to have their children eat mockingbird heads in the belief it would make them smarter.

When the Mockingbird comes into our lives it can be a message that we need to rethink how we work, interact and communicate with others. Are we accommodating? Are we being flexible? The Mockingbird way is to listen first, then respond. This is one of its greatest lessons for humans.  The Mockingbird is very playful. Few birds have the kind of bright vitality and obvious revelry. So when this happy bird flies into our lives it is a cue for us to frolic, and suspend our severity for a time. Enjoy, relax, and take time to appreciate the pleasureful things in our lives.

For me, and for Jesus, I am looking to the birds, to a mockingbird, at least for today and this time. Teach me, teach us, feathered visitor, to suspend my severity for a time and find playful moments during the season of COVID 19. Allow our minds and hearts to relax and take time to appreciate the sights and sounds we may have missed for years because our “job descriptions” and storage barns have taken our eyes and ears off of what is really important. 

The First Church mockingbird is calling to each of us rethink how we work, how we interact with those who are familiar to us and those who are strangers. COVID 19 and social isolation are giving us plenty of time to hear and answer the call. The mockingbird is calling us to sing a new song, a melody released by the Spirit of God in each one of us, a gift to the world.  

A Cardinal Lesson in Discernment

by Teresa Blythe

I have not always been sure of what I wanted to do with my life, but I have an uncanny ability to know deep within what I do not want—especially in what you might call “defining moments” of my life. 

In the late ’90s, I served as a low-level public relations assistant for the government transit agency in Baltimore, assigned all the tasks that the director of communications didn’t want to do. We were hosting the Catholic Cardinal one day as we dedicated the opening of a new subway station near the Cathedral, so I wore my nicest skirted suit. 

As the Cardinal spoke, it was clear the sound system wasn’t working properly. It made no difference that there were two men, in pants, staffing this event alongside me—I was ordered to step onstage during the speech, get on my knees, reach under the robe of the holy man, and adjust the sound. After the event, my boss ribbed me about “getting to fiddle around under the Cardinal’s robe” It was then I realized this job had run its course, and public relations was not a good fit for me.  

Leaving that job, I went to seminary in the hope that my theological leanings would lead to a career. Everyone, including me, expected I would become an ordained minister. But part of seminary training is exposure to a variety of ministries and ministers. And what I discovered was a general malaise that set in for many clergy after doing the job for five or more years. These men and women of God talked a lot about “callings” and “loving the people”—in the abstract. In reality, they were lonely, tired and depleted. I became tired just being around them. Some of them had personality types like my own, and I realized that if they couldn’t cut it, neither could I. I just didn’t have the mettle to be a parish minister. And I knew that if I ignored that “no” and pushed forward anyway I would have a lot harder time leaving that job than I did saying goodbye to the job that had me crawling onstage with the Cardinal. So, with a bit of sadness, I crossed “parish pastor” off my list. 

I wondered what I would ever be willing to say “yes” to?

While in seminary, I also studied to become a spiritual director—a person trained in listening and helping people along their spiritual journeys. We look for signs of energy, desire, life, and joy—clues that God is doing a new or significant thing in the person’s life. We look for the “yes” and pay close attention to the “no,” which is a key principle in the spiritual discipline of discernment.

As I learned how to walk with others, I found my own passions. Being a former broadcaster and having that short-lived career in public relations meant that I had done a lot of writing over the years. Now it was time to write about things that really mattered.

It began with articles, essays, book reviews and finally co-authoring a book. I was saying “yes” all over the place, and amazingly, people were responding. Then came an offer to write someone else’s book. It looked like a great career move, but a little voice deep inside me was saying that old familiar “no.” I pondered. Weighed the pros and cons. Consulted with mentors and elders. No. No. No. As certainly as I did not want to duck under the robe of the holy Cardinal, I did not want to write someone else’s book.

That’s when I learned the “cardinal” lesson of discernment. It is only in hindsight that we know with any certainty whether the path we chose was the right one, and that’s OK. As we keep looking back, we discover what we need to know to move forward. That visceral “no” is an important voice to honor. In fact, sometimes I think that’s the voice more good people in the world need to obey. It’s heartbreaking to see someone who says “yes” to every offer that comes down the road and become a scattered mess. Perhaps they heard the shout of “no” a few times but ignored it and now they are burned out and looking for the escape route.

That “no” taught me that, because life is short, I need to pursue what I am specifically made by God to do, even if it’s not all that clear at the moment. I need to write what I want to write, be around people who are full of life and help others along their spiritual journey. 

And, of course–never, ever, work for someone who demands that I crawl under a Cardinal’s robe.

Ideas for reflecting on listening to the “no:”

  • When is the last time you honored a “no” that you felt in your heart? How did it work out?
  • How did you discover your life’s work? If you have not yet found your way, what tools are you using for discernment?

Practice: Using the Quaker image of the “stop in the mind” as part of your discernment process. When you feel an urge to slow down or stop around a particular request made of you, take time to explore that. It could mean saying no is what’s best. Or it could mean you need more information, or that now is not the time. The “stop in the mind” can be important discernment information about how God’s spirit relates to us.

Why I Became a Spiritual Director

by Teresa Blythe

The practice of spiritual direction rescued me. I never felt I fit into the conservative church I grew up in, so I set out as a young adult to find a spiritual path that focused on God’s unconditional love of creation.

The journey took considerable time. My new path had little to do with the institutional church. I didn’t discover it in worship, bible studies, social justice activism or through the adoption of a new theology. I found it by way of a Presbyterian minister who was in training to be a spiritual director. From the very moment I entered spiritual direction, I knew I wanted to be exploring my experience, values, and beliefs the rest of my life.

A Safe Place

The spiritual direction relationship was a safe port in the storm of my connection with Christianity. It also gave me the tools and the space for discernment—especially around vocation.

When I entered spiritual direction in the late 1980’s I had no thoughts of pursuing ministry. I was busy developing a career as a radio news journalist. My need for spiritual direction was solely about healing my image of God. And it was working—I was healing.

As I moved from market to market trying to make a living in what was turning out to be a shrinking field, I was fortunate to find many able and experienced spiritual directors along the way. The work I did in spiritual direction gradually changed me, showing me a greater depth of purpose in life.

The Call

By the mid-90’s, I was broadcasting 100-second news updates for a Baltimore rock station with a “Morning Zoo” format, fondly referred to in the business as a trio of “the d–k, the dork and the (news) girl.” My epiphany—my “call narrative,” so to speak, came when the two DJs brought in a female stripper to entertain them at work. While I’m not a prude, inviting a stripper to a radio show seemed useless, even counterproductive to me. Still, I played it cool, reading the news on air as she danced for the guys. Walking out of that studio, heading back to my closet (literally—they had me work out of a closet) I heard a tiny voice say “I want more than this for you.”

For me that meant attending the Ecumenical Institute of St. Mary’s Seminary in Baltimore at nights while continuing to be part of the Morning Zoo. From there I headed to San Francisco Theological Seminary because it had a training program for spiritual directors.

Giving Back

Wanting to give to others what I had received was a driving force for me vocationally. I thought I would work mostly with people—like me—who were refugees from fundamentalism. What I’ve come to appreciate is the variety of experience, concerns, and spiritual needs in the world. We’re all refugees from something. Everyone who enters spiritual direction has wounds, desires and beliefs worth paying attention to. We all need sacred space filled with compassion, deep listening, and reverence.

That’s why I became a spiritual director.

The year I became a nonviolent universalist

by Karen Richter

Note: our 2020 Annual Meeting (April 24-26 at The Good Shepherd UCC in Sahuarita, AZ) theme is Stories That Transform. Humans are meaning-making, storytelling creatures. In the weeks leading up to AM2020, the SWC blog will feature posts that highlight this aspect of our human journey.

Two things happened in my senior year of high school that have helped form my character. Like most of us, I’m barely recognizable as the same person that I was all those years ago, but two experiences over that year have set me on a course to be who I am now.

The first was in Washington DC. My biology class was visiting the Capitol area and the national aquarium in Baltimore. I had visited the monuments before with family, but on this trip, we walked through the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. At that time, I could not have found Vietnam on a map or told you anything of significance regarding American involvement in that conflict. I knew vaguely that I had born around that time and that friends of my parents had been drafted.

As I walked along that stark wall, I cried. My friends wanted to be helpful… they inquired about my tears. Had I lost someone close to me? Was I homesick or heartbroken? I had no good answers. “I just hate war,” I kept saying. It was the emotional reaction of an adolescent – wanting to be special, discovering who she might become – but the idea of nonviolence, of a life committed to peacemaking has stayed with me.

The second event was less dramatic… just a phone conversation. My parents’ house had a single rotary dial telephone in the kitchen. To have a private conversation, I would walk a couple of steps down the stairway to the basement and snake the phone cord under the door. I was pretty conventionally churchy in those days and I had a friend whose soul I was very sincerely trying to save. This seems nearly laughable now, but again, adolescent emotions were involved. ‘Just how does this work….?’ my friend wondered. And I had my opening! Out of my mouth poured all of the atonement theology I had absorbed in 17 years…

“There’s a price to pay for sin.”

“God is righteous.”

“Humans don’t deserve eternal life.”

And as those words poured out, they seemed to crash down on the steep wooden steps where I was sitting. And I sat there, listening to my own words, and no longer believing in what had moments before been so important.

In that year (1988 in case you were wondering), I became a nonviolent universalist. The content of my intellectual faith assents (like miracles and healings and virgin births and even bodily resurrection) has ebbed and flowed through the years, but these identities have remained.

To share a story from your life, please email Wende Gonzales at wgonzales@uccswc.org

For inspiration, click over to this Medium article with advice from Pixar.