Category: grief

Good Grief! You’ve Changed!

by Rev. Paul Whitlock, Senior Pastor, The Church of the Palms UCC

You likely remember the exact moment the world shifted—the devastating phone call, the quiet hospital room, the empty chair at dinner, or the text you dreaded ever receiving. It is the overwhelming silence that hits when a person who defined your daily life suddenly exists only in your memory. It’s a common story at The Palms.

Most people view grief as a purely emotional arc: you weep, you ache, you miss them, and eventually, time mends the heart. Neuroscience, however, reveals a far more complex biological reality. Deep loss doesn’t just trigger sadness; it fundamentally alters your brain’s structure and function. It reshapes your memories, skews your perception of time, shifts your identity, and rewires how you forecast the future. You aren’t just mourning a person— your brain is forcibly attempting to construct a new reality where they no longer exist, permanently altering who you are in the process.

Psychologists refer to one of grief’s most painful aspects as the “continuing bond.” While your logical mind understands they are gone, your emotional brain has not updated its map of reality. You still reflexively reach for your phone to text them or expect to hear their voice when good news breaks.

This happens because the brain builds loved ones directly into its internal prediction network. Over time, your brain learns:

  • When I need support, I go to them.
  • When something exciting happens, I share it with them.
  • When life is difficult, they are my anchor.

They become built into your brain’s core emotional architecture. When they disappear, your neural network experiences a systemic failure—the world your brain constantly prepares for no longer exists.

Grief is far more than an abstract feeling. Neuroimaging reveals that the pain of social rejection and profound loss activates the same brain regions as physical injury. This is why grieving individuals frequently experience phantom physical symptoms:

  • Deep body aches and chronic pain
  • Persistent exhaustion and lethargy
  • Severe brain fog and inability to focus
  • A disorienting loss of self

In a literal sense, your brain is treating loss as a physical trauma, desperately trying to adapt to an unrecognizable environment.

After a loss, memories often become hyper-vivid. You might suddenly recall the exact cadence of their laugh, their subtle habits, or mundane moments that now feel invaluable.

This occurs because the hippocampus—the brain’s memory hub—works alongside emotional centers to preserve connections to vital people. The deeper the bond, the stronger the underlying neural pathways. Losing someone close doesn’t feel like losing information; it feels like losing a piece of your personal history, because part of your brain’s timeline was built directly around them.

When a loved one dies, you don’t just lose them—you lose the specific version of yourself that existed alongside them. Relationships don’t just link two people; they form distinct identities. You manifest differently with a childhood friend than with a colleague or parent.

When a key relationship ends, your brain must reorganize its fundamental sense of self.

Psychologists call this “identity reconstruction.” You are not just learning to navigate life without someone; you are discovering who you are in their absence.

Prolonged grief isn’t a sign of weakness; it is a sign of a brain struggling to reconcile two conflicting realities. Your emotional brain insists, “They belong here,” while your logical brain counters, “They are gone.” Running these two competing versions of reality simultaneously creates intense psychological distress, forcing the brain to confront this gap at every trigger.

Many fear moving forward because they equate healing with forgetting. But the brain doesn’t erase meaningful bonds—it evolves them. Over time, the connection shifts from an external presence to an internal blueprint. Their wisdom influences your choices, their humor shapes your perspective, and their voice becomes part of your inner compass.

While tragedy should never be romanticized, neuroscientists recognize a phenomenon known as post-traumatic growth. Following profound loss, the brain can gradually build new pathways rooted in:

  • Heightened empathy and compassion
  • Richer emotional awareness
  • Realigned personal priorities
  • Deeper gratitude for life and remaining relationships

You cannot return to who you were before the loss, because that version of you belonged to a world where they were still here. The true path of grief isn’t about moving on—it is about moving forward as someone new, carrying the love, the memories, and the transformation with you. On your journey, this new adventure, we walk with you at The Palms.

Shalom, Paul

The Interruptions of Grace

by Rev. Lynne Hinton

In the first year of my second pastorate I planned a six-week book study for Lent. I selected the topic and bought books for the participants, developed a lesson plan, and was excited about this opportunity to study with the parishioners. On the first Wednesday of Lent, those who had signed up for the class showed up for the beginning night of the study. Everyone was there, including a parishioner who lived nearby the church in a group home and who attended every service at the church.

His name was Larry and I bought him a book and knew he would join the study even though his reading skills were quite limited and the class was a little too advanced for him. On that opening night, I began the session with prayer and immediately launched into the lesson for chapter one when Larry mumbled something. Thinking he was only speaking to the woman sitting next to him, I didn’t address him, but continued to move through the night’s lesson. He spoke out again and it was evident he had something to share.

“What is it Larry?” I asked, hoping it would be something easy that could be attended to and not impede the progress of the study.

He paused a minute and just before I could start the lesson again, he said, “My mama passed this morning.”

Surprised by the announcement, I asked again, “What, Larry?” And he repeated what he had just said. “My mama passed this morning.”

Immediately, everyone in the class began asking more questions, “When, Larry?” “What happened, Larry?” “Had your mother been sick?”

And I suddenly became very aware that the lesson I had planned was not going to go at all like I had expected. Having had some hospice training and knowing Larry, I left the fellowship hall where everyone was gathered, went to a Sunday School classroom and found some paper and crayons. I knew Larry liked to draw and thought he might prefer the opportunity to color a picture of his mother rather than answer more questions. I walked back in the room and placed the paper and box of crayons in front of him.

“Would you like to draw a picture of your mom in heaven?” And Larry instantly picked up a crayon and piece of paper and started coloring and for a minute, I considered the notion that maybe I could continue with the class, let Larry talk if he wanted, return to the conversation about his loss if desired; but, I thought, maybe we could just complete part of the first chapter. And I went back to my seat and was just about to start up again when something happened.

Every other person gathered around that table picked up a piece of paper too. And someone passed around the box of crayons and each one of them took one out and started coloring pictures just like Larry.

“Your mama was a good singer, Larry,” one of the deacons said as he drew. “I’m sure she’s singing in the choir up in heaven.”

“Oh, your mama made the best biscuits, Larry,” another lay leader added, coloring a picture of a woman at a stove. “I bet she’s already cooking up there.”

“And sew! Your mama made the prettiest dresses,” one more chimed in, the crayon moving across the page. And I stopped and just watched. Closed the book, put aside the well-laid plans, shut the folder of all of my carefully created notes, and watched as the leaders of that little parish cared for Larry.

It is, I now know, one of the best images of church I have. These church members putting aside their plans and needs and choosing to color pictures to help a son grieve his mother’s death.

That was the night I learned that sometimes God shows up only when we set aside our agendas, our well-laid strategies, and expectations for what is supposed to happen in church and in our lives and allow the Spirit to do what actually needs to be done.

As you move through your week, making your plans for vacation or family gatherings, for whatever it is you deem important, may you allow room for the interruptions of grace that remind you of what the Spirit wants to do.

Finding Our Way

by Rev. Lynne Hinton

She is a cartographer. She designs maps, develops software that creates maps; and she knows her way around every kind of topography there is. Whether it’s flat, empty terrains, wild jungle landscapes or urban city sites, streets lined with lookalike buildings, this woman can find her way. She has achieved advanced degrees, even wrote a dissertation on the subject; she manages cartography projects for a highly-specialized corporation. North from south, east to west, she can find any location and she can get others there. Only now something unexpected has happened to her, this maker of maps. For the first time in her life, she is lost.

Her husband has died and she is left with unexplored tracks, foreign to her. She has inherited the care of an aging family member, the parenting of their young adult child, and a new life marked by the dreaded designation, widow. She now must navigate mounds of paperwork, mountains of memories, rivers of dreams; and she must do it alone.

There is no question that she is smart, that she has excellent coping skills, and has acquired numerous resources to steer her through any crisis. She will even admit to knowing that this unchartered territory loomed before her as she figured out the future while sitting in doctors’ offices and waiting rooms. This expedition delivered no real surprising twists or turns. And yet, that’s the funny thing about grief, you can have a clear direction, you can draw or download readable maps as well as accumulate navigational tools in preparation for the journey of loss but still nothing really prepares you for the long road of bereavement and the unmarked path of being left alone.

I know that it is hard for everybody. No one, no matter how prepared or equipped a person might be, escapes the utter disorientation of death. No one finds a short cut or even a way around the loneliness, the sorrow, the despair.

Somehow, though it seems harder for her, this maker and keeper of maps. Somehow, the sadness looks more overwhelming, the despair yanking her further away from where X always marked the spot. Somehow, the loss has taken her to an even more remote, unknown location than the others I have met who were also dropped into this godforsaken place of grief.

“How do I get out of here?” she asks as we sit together in a grief support group, the desperation creeping in her voice. “How do I find my way out of this?” And the others sitting near her, the others also lost, those few who found their way to this gathering, know of nothing else to do but offer her their companionship.

“Here,” they seem to say, bearing no compass or reliable GPS manual, “Stand here with me or just sit and wait; there’s really nowhere else to go.” And I, the one they have come to seeking guidance, watch them, understanding that grief becomes the wilderness where we shall all, with or without a map, be left to wander.

Crawling Out of the Hole

by Jane Jones*

I’m constantly amazed at how the Holy One works – we just have to learn to (as my Gramma Milly would say), “Let go.  Let God.”

I suppose I can admit to the fact that as a lifelong “fixer” this is one hard task!  I’m used to being in charge of something – I’ve trusted what I’ve known as “The Voice” my whole life, and so when I feel called to take on a challenge, I tend to step up to the plate and get to work. 

Often, I’m successful in these attempts, because I believe the Holy One uses me as a tool for the good in this world.  I feel humble and grateful to be chosen to help…but what happens when you suddenly find yourself on the other end of fixing?

Four years ago, real life of a different type happened and suddenly, I was the one who needed help at the deepest level anyone could know.  A relationship I treasured and totally devoted myself to suddenly ended; my marriage of 22 years ran into a cement wall. I was blind-sided, shocked, heartbroken. In one day, my whole world took a 180-degree turn.

The circumstances swirling around it were ugly,  very public, and it all ripped me apart.  So much pain, so much doubt about myself, so many details forcing me to step into a life I truly never expected to live – on my own. 

I went down a very dark hole, doing all the things another instinct tells us to do to ease the pain, and I wondered how I’d ever crawl out of it again.

This Fixer was in desperate need of being brought back to life. 

Here’s the part where the God reveals just how amazing a Being God is…

At the worst time I’ve ever experienced, I was surrounded by a cloud of atypical saints, (most of them not people of faith!) and each one of them contributed to the healing journey I found myself on.

I truly was never alone. 

Did you know that the God has many disguises?  Do you remember that Spirit can show up in the oddest places at just the right moment (in the wrong place) to give you a poke, reminding you who and Whose you are?  Did you know that getting through a life-changing event can change you in ways you never thought you would know and understand; dropping new hope, new strength, new life right at your feet? 

These aren’t just buzz words thrown at us during a sermon in any church…this is absolute Truth. 

I know this, because I’ve been constantly in awe of how the Holy One works – how the Holy One reaches out – always, and often when you least expect it. 

With honest love from friends, family, even people I didn’t know personally, I’m finding my way back.  I’m crawling out of that dark hole, one step at a time. I’m also learning about real forgiveness – God’s trademark – and true peace.

The newer me is a modified version for sure, (and a better one, I think) – and as I squint each morning at a much brighter day ahead, I find that I’m not the only one who has suffered such loss. There is so much to grieve about in this world these days…The Voice is telling me that it’s time to get to work again. 

What’s different, though, is that instead of being a fixer, I’m now a “mender” because we’re all in this together. We need to patch up the torn places…and keep going.

It feels good to step up to the plate again.

Thanks, Holy One.

*Jane Jones served as the licensed pastor for First Congregational Church in Prescott from 2009 – 2015, has been SWC’s Moderator and Moderator Elect, is almost a former member of COCAM B, and currently sits in on Faith Formation ZOOM meetings.  She will be one of the facilitators at the “Doing Grief Community Healing Project” at Church of the Palms in Sun City.

Comfort prayer for a friend

by Rev. Deb Church

Our Father who art in Heaven—
and who is with us, wherever we are



hallowed be thy name.
Your name, O God, is holy
and rests in our hearts
and on our tongues
sometimes like honey
sometimes like vinegar
sometimes a blessing
sometimes more like a curse
sometimes coming out in a song of praise
sometimes, escaping in a groan from the depths of our souls
But always, O God, holy is your name



Thy kingdom come—
in all the places
and in all the spaces
we are.
Come, healing and wholeness
Come, truth and justice
Come, forgiveness and belonging
Come, mercy and grace
Come, peace and hope
Come, love and Beloved
Come, Reality and Reign of God



Thy will be done—
as we trust in you
with hearts soaring
and hearts breaking
anxious and angry
grieving and confused,
as we place our loved ones
and our lives
in your strong and gentle hands,
letting go of control
holding on to hope
letting go of outcomes
holding on with trust
letting go of fear
holding on in Love



on earth as it is in heaven—
right here
in the middle of the muck
and mess
as we journey
from dust back to dust
embodied Spirit
walking around in
these bodies
clay pots
cracked
beautiful
broken
whole
Holiness
found right here
in the middle of the muck
and mess
of our world


Give us this day—
today
now
in these moments
in this moment



our daily bread—
what will feed us
what will nourish us
what we need
in these moments
whether we
know it
recognize it
see it
feel it
or not



and forgive us our sins—
Forgive us, O God.
Forgive us
for our messiness
for our mistakes
Forgive us
for the hurt we inflict
without wanting to
and for hurt we long to inflict
that all comes from
the hurt we’ve received
Forgive us
for the hurt we cause
that we don’t know and
for the hurt we cause
because we don’t know
our woundedness
Forgive us, O God



as we forgive those who sin against us—
as we look with compassion
at those who hurt us
out of their hurt
as we look with tenderness
at those who hate us
having made us bearers
of the hate they feel
for themselves and cannot name
As we offer mercy
that we have received
to those who deserve it no more than we do
who deserve it no less than we do
Forgive us our sins, O God, with the same freedom
with which we forgive
or not
those who sin against us



and lead us not into temptation—
Keep us from going down
easy paths
of self-pity
well-worn paths
of shame and blame
familiar paths
of regret and guilt
paths that are so easy to follow
paths that take us
to no place good



but deliver us from evil—
and instead
into Hope
into Healing
into Peace
into Joy
into Love



for thine
is the kingdom
and the power
and the glory
forever—
And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
Always.
No matter what.
Amen.
And amen.

From Deb: Here’s something I wrote last night
as a prayer for a dear friend whose husband (who is also a dear friend) was near death. They are both members of my church, and I love them dearly. They’ve been in California for the last several months, while he was receiving treatment for his cancer. He died this morning
 I hope and pray that something in this “fleshed out” version of the Lord’s Prayer gave his wife some bit of comfort last night, or perhaps will at some point in the future.

Wilderness

by Rev. Deb Worley

“Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.”

(Isaiah 43:19, ESV)

“Wilderness,” as we all know, can mean different things to different people. Heck, it can even mean different things to the same person, at different times in their life. Wilderness is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor.

Sometimes wilderness might look like unexpected suffering, or soul-wrenching depression, or uncontrollable chaos. Or mental illness. Or cancer. Or a global pandemic. Sometimes wilderness might be found in the midst of profound grief, or deep weariness, or ongoing uncertainty. Or too many responsibilities. Or too few resources. Or not enough young families.

Sometimes wilderness might be individual; sometimes, communal. At times, it might be blessedly short-lived; at other times, seemingly and agonizingly unending.

Wilderness means different things to different people. 

As people of faith, we are not exempt from experiences of wilderness in our lives, whether as individuals or as the Body of Christ. We are promised, however, that we will not go through them alone. We are promised that God will be with us. 

And not only that–if we are to take Isaiah at his word, we are promised that God “will make a way in the wilderness,” that God will lead us through it, that God will open a path where it had seemed to us there was no path. We are promised that God will be with us in and through and out of the wilderness, to the other side, where “rivers in the desert” await, where there will be healing and wholeness, abundance and life.

We can’t know for sure what that path will look like, or how long it will be, or how many twists and turns and hairpin curves and hills and valleys we will pass through along the way. Nor can we know with certainty when we will step out of the wilderness and find ourselves at the edge of the river, dipping our toes in the water and inhaling deeply and recognizing that we have moved into a place of healing and abundance. 

But we can be sure that we will. We can be sure that we will! 

Thanks be to God for the promise of new things, new paths, new life…that come after seasons of wilderness. 

Peace be with us all.

Deb

Reflections of a Children’s Chaplain

by Dr. Kristina “Tina” Campbell

As we walk the hallowed halls with a deep desire to bring spiritual comfort to patients and families, there are times when we must pause to experience our own humanity.  There are times when we must pause to connect with our own spiritual source for perspective, strength, and refreshment.  There are times when we must reconnect with our own sense of being human.  There are times when we must step back and mourn.

As we view a child’s body pulled from the bottom of a green pool, we must step back and mourn.  As we witness teenaged attempts to take their own lives by hanging, gun shot, starvation or overdose, we must step back and mourn.  As we witness a nurse drape a newborn baby for transfer to the morgue, we must step back and mourn.  As we view the mangled body of a joyride gone bad, we must step back and mourn.  As we see the skyrocketing cases of children with COVID gasping for air, we must step back and mourn.  As we witness the contorted physical pain of sickle cell, we must step back and mourn.  As we view the strained face of a doctor informing a grandmother that there is nothing more medicine can do, we must step back and mourn.  Amid panicked fear, threadbare nerves, and lives forever changed or ended, we must step back and mourn.

Finding a private space in the quiet corner of our hearts, we bow and we weep, because we know if we do not, we will lose our human connection and become mere robots.  We are trained, we are hurried, we are present, and yet our calling is to be fully human.  In acknowledgement of our common humanity, there are times when we must step back and mourn.  Amen.

Dr. Campbell, UCC clergy, BCC, is a Staff Chaplain at Phoenix Children’s Hospital.

Grieving Well

by Rev. Lynne Hinton, Conference Director, New Mexico Conference of Churches

At a worship service a couple of weeks ago at St. John’s UMC in Albuquerque, visiting preacher Rev. Scott Carpenter spoke about five tasks churches need to accomplish in order to thrive. The first task was to grieve well.

This focus on grief as the first task for a faith community to grow strong surprised me. Having been a hospice chaplain for years, I spend a lot of time and thought regarding grief, regarding loss. I understand the need to honor grief but I had never seriously considered it as a necessary function for communities of faith to thrive. And yet, grief is necessary to move forward. And if we’ve ever needed to grieve in churches, it’s now.

Over 600,000 persons have died in our country from Covid 19. Businesses have closed. Churches have had to shut their doors permanently. Dreams have ended. Suicides and mental illness emergencies are on the rise. And in poorer countries, the pandemic continues to ravage entire populations. We need to grieve what has been lost, what we have lost.

In [his book] RealLivePreacher.com, Pastor Gordon Atkinson writes about going to a mountain church in Colorado as part of his annual family vacation. He goes to the little community church alone and he goes to weep.

He writes, “I cry in their church because I can’t cry in my own. I’m not suggesting that we discourage crying at our church. I’m saying I am not ABLE to cry there. Being in charge shuts something down in me, I think. So every summer in Creede I unpack a year’s worth of sorrow, joy, and wonder.

“I cry in church because it is my time to be served. I’m like the woman who prepares the meals for her family each day. One day she comes home, and her children have prepared a meal for her. She bursts into tears because it’s her turn to receive. It doesn’t mean she wants to stop cooking. It’s just nice that it’s her turn.

“I cry for those reasons, but mostly I cry because at Creede Community Church I can see the truth. Sitting in that simple pew on the back row, I see the Church Universal in all her glory and silliness. The truth is, we are not sophisticated at all. We are nothing more than children, sticking our drawings to the fridge with tiny magnets, offering our best to the heavens on a wing and a prayer. We are precious, but perhaps only in His sight.

“I think messy little boys and girls praying in church must be irresistible to God. When God slows down and licks his fingers to slick down my cowlick, I catch a fleeting glimpse of the hem of his robe.

“And a glimpse is more than enough for me.

“That is the moment of true worship, and I always seem to find it in Creede.

“And in that moment, I cry from pure joy and relief.”

Do you have a place where you can weep? Do you have time set aside in your life to mourn your losses, honor the sorrow you carry, and feel free to let your emotions loose? And do you have a place where you receive, a place where you don’t have to be the faith leader or the pastor holding it together, a place where you can be served and know the loving presence of God?

My hope, of course, is that you do and that you have been there this year, that you have wept in sorrow and relief, and that you have been received, and ultimately that you have known joy. That is my hope for us all.

ï»żYou are the light of the world.

What If One Word Could Say It?

by Kay F. Klinkenborg

What if one word could provide clarity for the wide range of emotions we have all felt during COVID-19 since March 2020? Try: languishing.  Dr. Adam Grant wrote an article: “There’s A Name for the Blah You’re Feeling:  It’s called Languishing” for the NY Times, April 19, 2021.

I have heard a wide range of emotions this year: anxiety, fear, empty, listless, depressed, trouble concentrating, and life without a defined direction to name a few. And there have been many sad experiences of loss and resulting grief of loved ones and friends. Also grief of the loss of our normal routines, limitations of what, how and when we could do our predictable routines.      

Grant notes that “we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing
 being the peak of wellbeing.”  Prior to COVID many have experienced or known someone close who experiences depression. When depressed you feel despondent, worthless, no energy to move forward. “Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health” states Grant. One of Webster’s definitions: to lose vigor or vitality.

Remember acknowledging that you weren’t functioning at full capacity, but couldn’t say why? You had no overt symptoms or behaviors to indicate mental illness. I recall days of ‘trying to make myself focus.’ Maybe accomplishing one or two of five goals I would have normally set for the day. I have read other articles that comment that during COVID, people were struggling with the long-haul impact of restrictions and the unknown. 

Languishing is the void between depression and flourishing—an absence of wellbeing, but you don’t quite feel yourself either—your motivation is dulled, notes Grant. The potential risk of remaining in ‘languish’ is that one might not notice you are slipping toward depression. You might not be experiencing joy or delight and suddenly realize you haven’t felt that for some time. 

Say it aloud, languishing, name it. Grant writes that might be the first step to learning more about it; because we haven’t done many studies on languishing. “Languishing is common and shared.” And thus, is not an abnormal reaction. We have not been through a pandemic before.  

The professionals admit there is still a lot to learn about this term.

Grant proposes one of the first things to do in coping with languishing is to ‘be in the flow.’  Fr. Richard Rohr in his book, Divine Dance, writes in numerous chapters about the concept of “flow.” To be in the flow is the experience of trusting the moment and staying focused on the smallest of goals. Being present and not letting your mind wonder hither and yon. Don’t spend energy trying to figure out how to control the situation or others or debating solutions for the biggest of problems that professionals/ elected officials are set out to do. Take a deep breath and remember the Creator designed you, and lives in you and all of creation. Don’t go the judgmental path
go the path of discovery the smallest awes.

I find that spiritually to own languishing means I have to name it and experience it and claim that God is a verb in the midst of all that I am witnessing, hearing, and experiencing. Where is God in what I see today? Where is God in what I heard about today from others? Stay in the flow. We have not been alone in this pandemic; nor are we alone post-pandemic.

Second, set boundaries as to when you are not to be interrupted.  You need breathing space to rest and process all that has transpired
even
especially even now
 as we see a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ in America as more are vaccinated.  All processing doesn’t happen in the exact moment
when we can’t name what is happening. We need to bring some grace to ourselves and others for quite reflective time. A time for energy to be restored. Maybe it is a time when you read a novel, do some craft work, have a project. The important thing
it is your time with boundaries and no interruptions.

Third, pick small goals (Grant). This pandemic was a BIG LOSS. Maybe a short word game, one meaningful conversation with a trusted friend 1-2 times a week to own the gift of that friendship to you and to them. Maybe you color in an adult coloring book.  It doesn’t matter the goal
make it a small one. No one is here to judge you about how you spend your time or what you need to do to complete a goal that feels satisfying. 

One of the most important sentences in Grant’s article is: “Languishing is not merely in our heads
it’s in our circumstance.” You didn’t cause this
you aren’t making it worse. Many journalists, mental health professionals, and trauma psychologists remind us we are entering a post-pandemic reality. And with that will be some who have some Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for which they need to seek some professional health; particularly if they aren’t eating, can’t motivate themselves to get up, are isolating from others, and feel ‘blue’ beyond what they can manage. 

We can now begin with the lists above to address how the post-pandemic awareness of what languishing is and has been in our past 15 months. Give voice, name it, there is power in naming what is happening with you. Your courage to name it
will encourage others to name it too
and that empowers each of you to move forward with positive steps into more ‘thriving’ modes of living. 

Kay F. Klinkenborg © May 2021                                         

Church of the Palms

Kay is a Spiritual Director; Retired: RN, LMFT and Clinical Member AAMFT. She chairs the Life Long Learning Board at Church of the Palms, serves on the CARE TEAM, and the W.I.S.E. Steering Committee.         

Remembering Our Saints

by Victoria S. Ubben

Halloween 2020, will be a Halloween like no other in the history of the USA. These really are frightening times for our nation and the world. We need not encourage our children and grandchildren to be “spooked” by ghosts and goblins and vampires and bats this year.

Our family knows personally of several people who have died recently from Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), and perhaps your family does, too. (Thankfully, we also know of some who have recovered from COVID-19.) Besides remembering lives lost by COVID-19, this is the time to remember other lives lost due to violence, accidents, or various illnesses and other conditions.

I offer you three ways that you might find comfort in your distress.

1. Music might help.  To help me remember all of the saints who have died this year, I recently to listened to a recorded version of Requiem in D minor, Op. D by Gabriel Faure’ (1845-1924) and I share with you a link to a video so that you can hear it also.

Here is an English translation of some of the Latin lyrics that are comforting and uplifting during what is a sad or frightening time to many people:

“May eternal light shine on them, O Lord,
with Thy saints forever,
because Thou are merciful.

Grant them eternal rest, O Lord,
and may perpetual light shine on them.”

2. Inspirational Prose might help. To help us remember all the saints who have died this year, find some prose or poetry with strong visual images. Here is one of my favorites:

Gone from My Sight by Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933)

I am standing upon the seashore.  A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.  She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

 Then someone at my side says, “There, she is gone!” 

“Gone where?”  Gone from my sight.  That is all.  She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port. 

Her diminished size is in me, not her.  And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”  There are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!” 

And that is dying.

3. Biblical readings and liturgy might help. To help us remember all the saints who have died this year, turn to the ancient scripture, liturgy, and religious traditions. Try reading these aloud (either alone or 6 feet apart from others). Here is a benediction with which to close.

One Voice: With clean hands and pure hearts, hold fast to the faith of the saints who went before us.

Many Voices:  In our living and in our dying, we all belong to God.

One Voice: With hopeful hearts and expectant spirits, receive the blessing of Almighty God.

Many Voices: In our living and in our dying, we all belong to God.

One Voice:  Thanks be to God!  Amen.