by Rev. Deb Worley
“I could ask the darkness to hide me
or the light around me to become night,
but even darkness is not dark for you,
and the night is as bright as the day….”
(Psalm 139:11-12)
Wait—what??
“I could ask the darkness to hide me
or the light around me to become night…”
I don’t know about you, but I tend to want the exact opposite–
generally, I want to get out of the darkness;
I’m eager for the night to become day,
for the darkness to turn to light…
Why was the psalmist wanting the darkness to hide him?
Why, if he was in the light, was he wanting that light to become dark?
I can’t help but wonder if he was feeling ashamed of something–
ashamed, and wanting to hide away in the dark….
Or perhaps he was feeling depressed–
and wanting to keep others from seeing it….
Maybe he was feeling
unwanted, unworthy,
unlikable, unlovable–
and imagining
that if he couldn’t see himself,
his feelings of wretchedness
would be similarly invisible….
Those kinds of feelings
can make us want to hide,
can make us afraid
of anyone looking too deeply into us,
can cause us to wish
that any light that happens to be shining on us
would magically turn to darkness,
suddenly turn to night….
Those kinds of feelings can cause us
to not want to be seen,
to feel ashamed to be known,
to feel unworthy of being loved….
Those kinds of feelings, I can imagine,
might lead us to want
to be hidden in the darkness,
to be hidden by the darkness….
“I could ask the darkness to hide me
or the light around me to become night…”
Hmmm…I think I get it….
And yet…
the psalmist realizes
that even in the darkness,
he won’t be hidden from God.
Even if the light turns to night,
God will still see him.
God will still see him,
and seeing him, God will love him.
God will still see him–and his shame and depression–
and God will love him.
God will still see him–and his feelings of being unworthy and unlovable–
and God will love him.
The psalmist realizes that
no matter the darkness of the night,
no matter the darkness of his soul,
the brightness of God’s love will shine on him still.
Period.
He need not fear the light,
he need not fear being seen,
he need not long to be hidden by the dark.
He is seen by God, and he is loved.
Period.
So it is for us.
May the peace of God be with us all.
Amen.
Deb